MY FUKING RANT

Monday, April 28, 2008 at 2:02pm

"You're pathetic, you hang on to her to much. You look pathetic. 'Me and Charmagne' Don't say that any more, you two aren't a couple, its only you."FRICK. Seriously. Why don't people understand that me and her are JUST friends?! HUH!? WHAT THE FRICKKKK. Can you not understand we broke up? The fact that we AREN'T together?? HUH?? We are FRIENDS. She is my BEST friend, because of the past relationship shes the one who knows me best, you don't know ANYTHING. You don't know how i feel or how things are between us two. So you can't go around saying things that have to do with YOUR life. I am NOT you. OKAY?! I will NEVER BE YOU. I don't care how many mistakes you've had in the PAST. I'm making the least amount i can. Because if you do it right the first time, its always the best. Who cares if you haven't experienced 50 heart breaks. 50 different boy/girl friends. I DON'T WANT TO. Maybe thats why your cold like that. You got tired of caring what people think. I think if i had more than 10 girlfriends, i'm just giong to start looking for stupid flaws that i shouldn't even look at. I think that if i dated so many girls i wouldn't be looking for that one that makes me happy ALL the time, i'd be with someone who's just right, where we ARGUE to much, we FIGHT. I DON'T want a relationship like that. I know you got it bad, but i don't want to live my life like you lived yours. Who says i have to? Who says shes still not the one? Who says she is? NO ONE. I control my own life. So don't go around telling me what i should and shouldn't do, because i know right from wrong. I have to learn things on my own, because when i was little you weren't there. You were there to lock me in a frickin closet, and yell at me. I was never disciplined properly. I love you, and i'm listen fully. But your not saying the right things, your not supporting me, your not looking out for me, YOUR PUSHING ME AWAY FROM HER. Its like pushing you away from your friends. I honestly don't know who to use for that example, i can't think of anyone. Do you understand? I don't want to be pushed away from someone who i've been with for 11 months. Just because the relationship if over, doesn't mean we can't be friends. I rely on her to help me if i have a rough day, if i need to laugh, or hear someone who cares. My friendship.. FRIENDSHIP means too much to me for you to ruin. So my effort towards her will still be as strong as we were when we were together. My expectations will be low, i don't need to expect anything from her, only her love(the kind of love one friend gives to another) her care, and the same support i give her in everything. So understand, shes too big of a deal in my life to let go. And if you want to talk about her and me behind my back go for it, i don't care anymore. But still don't take this wrong, i WILL still listen, just not about crap about me and her. BTW: i feel better nao. this acutally helped-ed me. now i can think straight.

What i don't understand..

is what kind of friends do i have that give me all this shit about writing notes..
and all i see on my facebook are people writing notes like i do, and lots of them and not getting any shit from anyone..
and its not only that they aren't getting anyt shit, they are getting support more than anything..
don't get me wrong i get support too, but not like them.
i find it so fucking stupid.

I want a love like.

"I want a love like, me thinking of you thinking of me thinking of you type love, or me telling my friends more than I’ve ever admitted to myself about how I feel about you type love or hating how jealous you are but loving how much you want me all to yourself type love or seeing how your first name just sounds so good next to my last name. and shit- I wanted to see how far I could get without calling you and I barely made it out of my garage. See, I want a love that makes me wait until she falls asleep then wonder if she’s dreaming about us being in love type love or who loves the other more or what she’s doing at this exact moment or slow dancing in the middle of our apartment to the music of our hearts. Closing my eyes and imagining how a love so good could just hurt so much when she’s not there and shit I love not knowing where this love is headed type love. And check this- I wanna place those little post-it notes all around the house so she never forgets how much I love her type love then not have enough ink in my pen to write all the love type love and hope I make her feel as good as she makes me feel type love and (I want her to distract me from whatever I'm doing type love) and I wanna deal with my friends making fun of me the way I made fun of them when they went through the same kind of love type love. The only difference is this is one of those real type loves and just like in high school I wanna spend hours on the phone not saying shit and then fall asleep and then wake up with her right next to me and smell her all up in my covers type love and.. I wanna try counting the ways I love her then lose count in the middle just so I could start all over again (I wanna breakdown the time we spend into seconds just so it sounds like we spend more time together type love) (and also like in high school) I wanna celebrate one of those one-month anniversaries even though they ain’t really anniversaries but doing it just ‘cause it makes her happy type love and I wanna fall in love with the melody the phone plays when her number's dial into it then talk to you until I lose my breath, she leaves me breathless, but with the expanding of my lungs I inhale all of her back into me. I want a love that makes me need to change my cell phone calling plan to something that allows me to talk to her longer ‘cause in all honesty, I want to avoid one of them high cell phone bill type loves and I want a love that makes me regret how small my hands are I mean the lines on my palms don’t give me enough time to love you as long as I’d like to type love and I want a love that makes me st-st-st-stutter just thinking about how strong this love is type love and I want a love that makes me want to cut off all my hair... Well maybe not all of the hair, maybe like I’d cut the split ends and trim the mustache but it would still be a symbol of how strong my love is for her. I kind of feel comfortable now so I can tell you this I even be fantasizing about walking out on a green light just dying to get hit by a car just so I could lose my memory, get transported to some third world country just to get treated and somehow meet up again with you so I could fall in love with you in a different language and see if it still feels the same type love. I want a love that’s as unexplainable as she is And I'm married and she's the one i share this love with "

Who I Am.

I lick my ketchup chip, but not my dill pickle. I eat my sushi whole. I cry when I'm about to get a needle, but im fine with a knife. I own over 300 movies ( and watched them ) but probably couldn't name 25 of them. I hate apple, 207CB43D is my blackberry pin. I have a guitar, her name is Evangeline. I love to wear my socks indoor, but once i get into bed they are off. I have a psp and 30 games, but didn't buy a single game. I don't drink, but when i do its horrible.

* 4 . .

one life - gotta live it up
one chance - don`t pass it up
one heart - don`t give it up
one love - don`t fuck it up