November 10 2008

It's been so long since i last wrote here, and since the break up..But really it feels like nothing has changed.. and it pisses the fuck out of me. I just really want her out of my life.. Like the past year never happened... but at the same time.. im so grateful.. which makes me think.. maybe thats why i still think about it.. her.. really. Its been .. little less than a year.. and i dunno.. the feelings are off and on. Past few weeks i've been feeling REALLY numb.. but at the same time denying my feelings.. Maybe its for the best. Taking long walks.. with or without friends.. Crazy long bike rides.. by myself. I dunno i just want someone here beside me.. someone to share my romances with, and give my heart too.. But again.. at the same time.. i don't want to experience heart break.. "When you find the 'right one' you know right away, but why does it take a year and a half to realize when your with the wrong one?" I don't even know any more.. i don't know what to do.. and it feels like im losing my sense of direction in life.. I know whay i want.. but at the same time.. im lost and not sure..